November 19, 2010

Convict 8675309 reporting for flight

That is how I feel. I feel like a criminal for even attempting to fly the unfriendly skies this morning. I am leaving a small regional airport in the middle of an entire state of of Podunk towns and I get the millimeter -wave -booth -put -your -hands- on your- head- like -a -known convict- while -some booger- picking -morning -making 8.75 -an-hour -looks- at -your- fat naked- ass -treatment; Aka the naked body scanner. It is too effing early for this crap. Then because I am sure that I had a look of extreme rage and indignation on my face AND because the TSA guy who had just had me visually raped while wearing clothes said in my general direction "hold on a minute" and I looked at him. He has to get all pissy with me and ask "Is there a problem,sir?".

I said, "no" but what I wanted to say is "Hell yes there is a problem, but you are just doing your job"

There is absolutely a problem with this country, with homeland security, the TSA and air travel in general.

What we need is to a) have a certified traveler program and b) profile the living shit out of people. I am sorry if you are of middle eastern descent and have zero intention of body packing five pounds of dynamite up your ass. You look like the assholes who do. I don't, and I travel once a month for work. I am a fat white male who has never had more than a speeding ticket. Leave me and granny alone and pick on the guys who fit the profile it works, ask El Al.

-via my iPhone

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