November 11, 2010

Denis Leary on the Proposed Cigarette Labels – 18 years ago

as well as some bonus quotes from a movie that at the time seemed so incredibly over the top and now looks to be about 10 years down the road, except no one will be wealthy.

Denis Leary’s stand up routine “no cure for cancer” 1992:

“There's a guy- I don't know if you've heard about this guy, he's been on the news a lot lately. There's a guy- he's English, I don't think we should hold that against him, but apparently this is just his life's dream because he is going from country to country. He has a senate hearing in this country coming up in a couple of weeks. And this is what he wants to do. He wants to make the warnings on the [cigarette] packs BIGGER. Yeah! He wants the whole front of the pack to be the warning. Like the problem is we just haven't noticed yet. Right? Like he's going to get his way and all of the sudden smokers around the world are going to be going, "Yeah, Bill, I've got some cigarettes.. HOLY SHIT! These things are bad for you! Shit, I thought they were good for you! I thought they had Vitamin C in them and stuff!" You f***ing dolt! Doesn't matter how big the warnings are. You could have cigarettes that were called the warnings. You could have cigarettes that come in a black pack, with a skull and a cross bone on the front, called tumors and smokers would be lined up around the block going, "I can't wait to get my hands on these effing things! I bet you get a tumor as soon as you light up! Numm Numm Numm Numm Numm" Doesn't matter how big the warnings are or how much they cost. Keep raising the prices, we'll break into your houses to get the cigarettes, ok!? They're a drug, we're addicted, ok!? Numm Numm Numm Numm Numm *wheeze*”

And now, prophecy for our future (from Demolition Man- 1993):

For those of you who have not seen this movie, rent it. 

Edgar Friendly (Denis Leary, Libertarian who is forced to (literally) live underground due to his love of freedom) :

“According to Cocteau's  Obama’s plan, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, ?

I've seen the future. You know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin, sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing, "I'm an Oscar Meyer wiener." “We are the World” or “Give Peace a Chance”

All I wanna do is bury Cocteau Obama up to his neck in sh**, and let him think happy-happy thoughts forever.

I'm no leader. I do what I have to do--sometimes people come with me.

You live Up Top, you live Cocteau's Obama’s way: what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. Your other choice, come Down here, and maybe starve to death.”


Lenina Huxley (Sandra Bullock, naive but tough police officer, is infatuated with the old days;meaning the 20th century)and John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone, recently re-animated tough guy cop from the 80’s) :

Lenina Huxley:“Anything not good for you is bad, hence, illegal. Alcohol, caffeine, salt, contact sports, meat . . .”

John Spartan: “Are you sh**ing me?”

A computer: “John Spartan, you are fined one credit for a violation of the verbal morality statute.”

John Spartan: “What the Hell is that?”

A computer: “John Spartan, you are fined one credit . . .”

Lenina Huxley: “…Bad language, child play, gasoline, uneducational toys, and anything spicy. Abortion is also illegal. But, then again so is pregnancy, if you don't have a license.”


Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes, evil 20th century killer recently escaped from prison to run rampant in wimpy progressive dystopia):

“I'm sorry to say that the world has become a pussy-whipped, Brady Bunch version of itself--run by a bunch of robed sissies.”

“You can't take away people's right to be assholes”



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