Latest News in Global Warming and Climate Change

I just got this super secret information from the far right wing information center on climate change:  The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). According to their own propaganda they are a “scientific” agency within the United States Department of Commerce focused on the conditions of the oceans and the atmosphere. Part of their stated “mission” is “guiding the use and protection of ocean and coastal resources, and conducting research to improve understanding and stewardship of the environment.”   This flat earther right wing lunatic fringe group is headed by the current Under Secretary of Commerce for Oceans and Atmosphere at the Department of Commerce, and the agency's Administrator, is Dr. Jane Lubchenco, who was nominated by President Barack Obama and confirmed by the United States Senate on March 19th, 2009.

Now she ain’t no Climate Czar, she just heads the pre-eminent weather and climate research agency in the United States.  So don’t go comparing anything this fruit loop group has to say with something so esteemed as the UN’s IPCC panel or the words of super cereal smart guy  and nobel peace prize winner, Algore.  

 

But here is some information that I found, after a lot of work; which mainly consisted of typing “NOAA Average Temperatures 2009” into Google.

“The average October temperature of 50.8°F was 4.0°F below the 20th Century average and ranked as the 3rd coolest based on preliminary data.

For the nation as a whole, it was the third coolest October on record (they mean EVAR). The month was marked by an active weather pattern that reinforced unseasonably cold air behind a series of cold fronts. Temperatures were below normal in eight of the nation's nine climate regions, and of the nine, five were much below normal. …

Regionally, two of the nation's nine climate regions (the East North Central and South) saw their wettest October. The Central region had its second wettest October, while the West North Central had its fourth wettest. This was the first month since December 2007 that no region had below normal precipitation.

The three-month (August-October) rainfall was record-setting for many [areas]. It is noteworthy that this occurred despite only one tropical cyclone (Claudette, in August) making landfall in the region during this period.  By the end of October, moderate-to-exceptional drought covered (only) 12 percent of the contiguous United States, the second-smallest drought footprint of the decade, based on the U.S. Drought Monitor. Major drought episodes in California and South Texas improved significantly.”

So despite the claims that all animals should be killed, we should all ride our big wheels to work, bottle sunlight and do away with electricity, take cold showers, and quit flying our gulfstream v’s everywhere we go,

 

 

returning life to a more simple 14th century model; lest we all die horrible mutating oxygen deprived desiccated deaths,  before the earth burns up and blows away Killing all life as we know it.  And despite the claims that Denver will soon be ocean front property as polar bears die  slow agonizing deaths from heat exhaustion and starvation and penguins weep, it appears that we are in fact not on fire.

I expect “scientists” to change their tunes starting next year to reverse and proclaim the next Ice Age.  Which is actually pretty cool, cause I love that squirrel -rat guy and his nut. That shit cracks me up.

-KOOK